If You Could Live in Any Store……

………. this would be it.  Now I’ve got this all figured out. I’m going to tell you my plans but please,

DON’T TRY THIS AT YOUR LOCAL TARGET

(because now they know about me)

**Note**  This plan is only possible in a world with no Law Enforcement, security cameras, security guards, or alarm systems. It would be completely Idiotic and dork-waddish to attempt **

         

that being said,

      The Plan:

I’ll stand on the toilet seat until closing time, and once all the lights go off, the show begins.

First, I would stock up:

• Shopping Cart strapped with flashlights- √

• Candy Galore- √

• roller-skates my size (put ’em on of course)- √

• soda soda soda soda soda SODA!!!- √

• an iPod or 2- √

• A webam (explain later)- √

• Air mattresses & pillows- √

• those amazingly soft blanket throws you always wish your mom would buy for you… :(   √

• a tent- √

• a couch or 2- √

• Food from the new “Grocery Section” to my great convenience :D – √

So this is when I would take my, supplies, under one of those outdoor plastic canopy things with the

rainbow lights… make myself a cozy little home base, eat my dinner of SUGAR

and take my insane sugar high all around the store on roller skates.

First, the T.V.’s

     I would hook up that webcam from earlier and make faces at myself on hundreds of 65″ plasma screens.

Then, I would blast music

and have a total 1-chick dance party… make my own disco ball out of tinfoil or something.

Get in-Touch with my inner “little girl”

and have a tea party with barbie and stuffed animals :}

Nab that bike

you know you’ve always wanted to ride down every isle.

Play with a few hundred iPads

until I got sick of them and decided they weren’t THAT special.

Mix chocolate milk and brownies

to make a mud-like paste, and make tiny foot prints all over EVERYTHING.

Make teeny little house/huts

all over the store…

And so finally I would see the sun creeping up, yawn, decide to leave my little… party, and the mess with it.

But before I left, I would leave a little note for the poor store manager…

 “The Elves were here.”

heh heh

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